I Am Worried About Someone: Preparing a Conversation
Use this guide to prepare a caring conversation about substance use. Focus on what you have noticed, what the person wants to share, and a realistic offer of help.
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Make room for their view
SAMHSA recommends speaking with kindness, asking open questions and listening without judgment. More than one conversation may be needed. You can summarize what you heard and ask whether you understood it correctly, then ask what support the person wants.
Sources: [1]
Before you begin
- Choose a time and place where you can speak privately and listen. Ask whether now is a workable time.
- Use a concrete observation instead of assigning a diagnosis or guessing a motive.
- Offer a specific task you can genuinely do, such as sitting together during a call or helping find a provider.
- If they do not want to talk, say that you are willing to listen later and ask whether a follow-up is welcome. Do not promise that one conversation will change their use.
A conversation, not an interrogation
Hypothetical example — adapt to the relationship
| Moment | Possible words |
|---|---|
| Ask to talk | “I care about you. Is this a good time to talk about something I have noticed?” |
| Describe an observation | “You said you wanted to cut back, and the last two mornings you seemed worried about drinking. What has that been like for you?” |
| Reflect rather than argue | “It sounds as though you want things to change but are worried about treatment. Have I understood?” |
| Offer a chosen next step | “Would it help if I sat with you while you call someone, or is there another kind of support you would prefer?” |
Sources: [1]
Safety can change the conversation
For emotional distress or a mental-health, suicide or substance-use crisis in the U.S., you can call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org, including when you are concerned about another person. You can also seek support for your own wellbeing; caring for someone does not mean you must handle everything alone.
My conversation notes
- One or two observations
- Describe what you directly noticed and why it concerns you; leave out labels and guessed motives.
- My opening and an open question
- Use your own words and leave room for a different perspective.
- What I heard
- Their view, questions, preferences and anything I need to clarify.
- Help I can offer and limits I need
- A realistic task; what I cannot safely or reliably take on.
- What we agreed, if anything
- Who will do what, whether follow-up is welcome, and when. No agreement is also an honest result to record.
- Support for me
- A trusted person, counselor or family support option I can contact.
Keep completed notes private. Share only what you choose with the people helping you. These are original educational and planning prompts, not a validated assessment.