Family Boundaries Without Punishment
Use this guide to describe what you can offer, what you cannot do, and what you will do yourself. It is written for family members and other supporters making ordinary practical arrangements with another adult.
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SAMHSA encourages supportive listening and attention to caregivers’ own health. The boundary examples below are original communication prompts; they are not a tested treatment method or rules every household should adopt.
Original examples: describe your own action
Scroll the table sideways on a small screen to compare all columns.
| A situation | A clear limit and an offer | Why the wording helps |
|---|---|---|
| Repeated requests for rides | I can drive on Tuesday after work. I cannot leave work every day. Let’s ask about another option for Thursday. | States actual availability and a practical next step. |
| Late-night nonurgent calls | I will answer ordinary planning calls before 9 p.m. We can choose another time to talk tomorrow. | Describes your availability; does not promise to cover urgent needs. |
| Pressure to make a decision | I am not able to agree to that today. I need time to understand what you are asking. | Allows time without making a threat. |
Check the boundary before saying it
- Does it describe an action or resource that is actually mine to decide?
- Can I say it without demanding a confession, agreement or change of feeling?
- Am I offering help I can realistically give?
- Have I separated an ordinary arrangement from an urgent or unsafe situation?
Prepare one conversation
- The practical issue
- Describe what has happened and what it affects for you, without assigning a label.
- My limit and any offer
- I can __. I cannot __. If helpful, I can offer __ instead.
- How I will follow through and seek support
- An action within my control; a trusted person or professional to help me think it through.