Codependents of Sex Addicts (COSA)

What Is COSA?

COSA (Codependents of Sex Addicts) is a fellowship for individuals impacted by the compulsive sexual behaviors of a partner, family member, or loved one. The profound emotional impact of discovering a partner’s secret behaviors is often understood clinically as betrayal trauma.

Adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous, COSA focuses on healing from the effects of this trauma, fear, and unhealthy relationship patterns. The only requirement for membership is a desire for recovery from the impact of someone else’s sexual addiction.

Is COSA for Me?

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone struggling with sex addiction, you may have experienced betrayal, secrecy, or emotional turmoil. COSA is not about controlling the person with the addiction—it’s about focusing on your own healing.

Common reasons people come to COSA include:

• Feeling isolated, confused, or ashamed about a partner’s sexual behavior.
• Struggling with trust, self-worth, or emotional boundaries.
• Staying in damaging relationships due to fear or dependency.
• Trying to manage or monitor someone else’s addiction.
• Needing a safe place to process trauma and begin recovering emotionally.

How Does COSA Work?

COSA uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to guide personal recovery. Members attend meetings, read COSA literature, and may work with a sponsor to guide them through the Steps. While spiritual in nature, COSA is not a religious program; each person defines their own understanding of a Higher Power.

Members often work on:

• Detaching with love from the behaviors of others.
• Letting go of control and perfectionism.
• Reclaiming self-worth and identity.
• Building emotional boundaries and healthier relationships.
• Practicing honesty, acceptance, and self-care.

The focus of COSA is not on the person with the addiction—it’s on your own emotional and spiritual recovery.

The 12 Steps of COSA

The 12 Steps of COSA are adapted to the unique experience of those affected by a loved one’s compulsive sexual behavior.

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

COSA vs. Other ‘S’ Fellowships

The landscape of support groups for sexual addiction can be confusing.

Here’s a simple breakdown:

• Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA): For the person with the compulsive sexual behavior problem.
• COSA and S-Anon: Both are separate fellowships for the partners, family, and friends affected by the addiction. Their principles are very similar, and many people attend meetings in both fellowships.

What to Expect at a COSA Meeting

Walking into your first COSA meeting might feel intimidating, but meetings are structured to be welcoming and safe. Whether in person, online, or by phone, you’ll find others who understand what you’re going through.

Here’s what you can expect:

• A confidential, nonjudgmental space: Anonymity is a core principle.
• Readings from COSA literature: Most meetings include readings from the Twelve Steps or other approved texts.
• Open sharing: Members are invited—but never required—to share.
• Peer connection: COSA is not group therapy. Members support each other through mutual experience, not by giving advice.

How to Find a COSA Meeting

COSA meetings are held worldwide, as well as online and by phone. You don’t need to register to attend. To browse the official meeting directory, visit the COSA website.

Find Healing and Support

The pain of betrayal trauma is real, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Professional, confidential help is available. You can connect with a qualified therapist who specializes in this area through convenient online therapy or speak to someone immediately by calling the free SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357.

Our Find Treatment Help page has resources to help you take the next step in your healing journey.

Written by

Jessica Miller

Editorial Director

Jessica Miller is the Editorial Director of Addiction Help. Jessica graduated from the University of South Florida (USF) with an English degree and combines her writing expertise and passion for helping others to deliver reliable information to those impacted by addiction. Informed by her personal journey to recovery and support of loved ones in sobriety, Jessica's empathetic and authentic approach resonates deeply with the Addiction Help community.

Reviewed by

• Fact-Checked
• Editor

Kent S. Hoffman, D.O.

Co-Founder & Chief Medical Officer

Kent S. Hoffman, D.O. has been an expert in addiction medicine for more than 15 years. In addition to managing a successful family medical practice, Dr. Hoffman is board certified in addiction medicine by the American Osteopathic Academy of Addiction Medicine (AOAAM). Dr. Hoffman has successfully treated hundreds of patients battling addiction. Dr. Hoffman is the Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer of AddictionHelp.com and ensures the website’s medical content and messaging quality.