Couples Counseling

What Is Couples Counseling?

Couples therapy is a type of talk therapy designed to help couples work on their romantic partnership. Couples counseling can apply to both married and unmarried couples.

Some common principles of couples counseling include:

• Altering views of the relationship
• Modifying dysfunctional interactional behavior
• Eliciting avoided private behavior
• Improving communication
• Promoting strengths

Partners must have empathy for one another and practice active listening in order to reconnect.

When people think of therapy, they often picture individual counseling, where a patient or client sits with a licensed therapist to work through things like grief, trauma, or mental health issues.

However, during couples counseling, BOTH people are present, and the idea is to work through issues between them that could be causing problems in the relationship.

Learn more about this type of relationship counseling, including the various therapy approaches, who might benefit from couples counseling, how to find the right relationship counselor, the many benefits of couples counseling, and more.

What Are the Main Goals of Couples Counseling?

Although there are many different types of therapists and methods of therapy/counseling, they all share common goals.

Some of these goals include:

• Identifying problem areas in the relationship
• Improving communication
• Problem-solving and compromise
• Increasing emotional and/or physical intimacy
• Improving overall relationship satisfaction

How Does Couples Counseling Work?

The purpose of couples counseling is to diminish distress and improve the quality of the relationship overall.

Couples counseling aims to assess behaviors, cognitions, and emotions on an individual and relational level as well as cultural and broader family dynamics to treat each couple uniquely.

A licensed therapist can view the couple from an outside perspective and give unbiased observations and guidance.

Having a neutral viewpoint is crucial in addressing relationship issues in a healthy and effective way. Family members and friends are often quick to offer advice, but couples should be wary, as this guidance is commonly misdirected and can inflate unhealthy feelings and behaviors.

Long-term unresolved conflict within marriages can ultimately lead to relationship deterioration and divorce. Counseling can help couples learn to communicate effectively and address conflicts appropriately to work toward resolution.

Common Couples Counseling Methods and Approaches

Various therapy methods can be used to treat couples, depending on their specific needs. A skilled therapist can assess their clients’ relationship dynamics and recommend the best approach to tackling their issues.

Here are some examples of therapy methods and who they suit best.

Gottman Method

The Gottman Method uses the Sound Relationship House Theory to establish critical components of a healthy relationship.

These key relationship components are:

• Build Love Maps
• Know One Another’s World
• Share Fondness and Admiration
• Turn Towards Instead of Away
• The Positive Perspective
• Manage Conflict
• Accept Your Partner’s Influence
• Dialogue About Problems
• Practice Self-Soothing
• Make Life Dreams Come True
• Create Shared Meaning
• Trust
• Commitment

The Gottman Method can benefit all types of couples, whether on the verge of separation or just experiencing average day-to-day issues within their relationship.

You can find a Gottman-trained therapist near you through the Gottman Referral Network.

 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) follows the same principles as attachment theory: relationships can benefit from increasing attachment to significant others.

Increased attachment can provide a heightened sense of emotional and physical security within the relationship, leading to stronger bonds and higher relationship satisfaction. EFT is considered one of the most successful methods of couples counseling.

EFT is best for couples who:

• Desire a stronger emotional attachment
• Have experienced depression
• Have experienced trauma (including PTSD)
• Have a history of infidelity
• Deal with chronic health conditions
• Argue frequently

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that can help improve communication, identify misinterpretations, and highlight the healthy characteristics of a relationship.

CBT shifts an individual’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to a specific issue. Instead of blaming your partner, CBT focuses on taking ownership of issues and assuming responsibility for improving the relationship.

CBT can benefit couples experiencing any type of distress but has shown to be especially advantageous in instances of domestic violence.

Who Needs Couples Counseling?

Every couple experiences conflict and can benefit from counseling, but couples who are unable to communicate effectively to resolve an issue should seek help through couples counseling.

As of 2024, 49% of couples reported going to counseling at some point in their relationship. If you or your partner have an unresolved conflict or tension, you can benefit from couples counseling.

Couples most likely to seek help are those experiencing challenges such as:

• SUDs
• Lying and infidelity
• Individual mental illness (i.e., anxiety, depression)
• Infertility
• Chronic physical illness
• Stressful major life changes (i.e., death in the family, having a child, career change, etc.)

Historically, people have been known to pass judgment on those attending counseling, but times are changing. Young adults are doing away with stigmas associated with mental and behavioral health and becoming more supportive of individual and couples counseling.

Couples Therapy for Addiction Issues

Substance use disorders (SUDs) can cause major strain on any relationship but can especially take a toll on that person’s romantic partner. SUDs can cause relational strain, which can then lead to worsening substance abuse and addiction issues—a terrible cycle.

Some types of therapy recommended for couples dealing with addiction issues are behavioral couple therapy (BCT) and community reinforcement and family training (CRAFT).

Behavioral Couple Therapy (BCT):

• Creates interventions to support abstinence
• Uses a couple’s recovery contract to support abstinence
• Both the partner and person with the substance use disorder (SUD) participate
• Encourages communication among partners

Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT):

• Made for concerned significant others whose partners with the SUD are not ready to get help
• Teaches partners self-care and how to improve their own lives
• Teaches communication skills to help persuade their loved one to seek help

Behavioral therapy can help equip partners on how to handle a spouse with an SUD, how to support them in recovery, and how to handle relapse or other potential issues.

Studies reflect that family can have a negative or positive impact on recovery rates among addicts, and those with family support are more likely to be successful in recovery and remain sober.

How to Choose the Right Therapist for Couples Counseling

Finding a therapist who best suits you and your partner’s needs can be challenging. If either partner doesn’t feel safe or heard, the counseling sessions will likely not be helpful.

All parties have to be comfortable enough to share their experiences openly, and the therapist must be able to receive this information and make helpful suggestions while teaching healthy coping and communication skills.

Qualities to Look For in a Couples Therapist

When looking for a therapist, it can be helpful to search for someone who has experience dealing with your specific problems and has patient testimonials with positive outcomes.

Many therapists list their specialties on their websites, but you can always contact the office or provider and ask beforehand.

Verify Credentials and Accreditation

Before selecting a therapist, ensure they are state-certified and specialized in your particular area of need.

For example, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) specializes in assessing and treating marriage, relationships, and family dynamics.

A clinical psychologist has a doctorate in psychology and can assess and provide cognitive and behavioral therapy.

Similarly, a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can diagnose and treat psychological conditions through psychotherapy while also prescribing medications.

After becoming state-certified, therapists can complete additional education to receive certifications in various specialties. These certifications indicate quality and professionalism when choosing a therapist.

To verify your therapist’s credentials, you can search your state board’s website to ensure you are receiving the quality of care advertised.

Comfort Level and Compatibility

Some people take longer than others to open up, so it may take several sessions to establish trust with your therapist. If either partner feels uncomfortable with the therapist, they should seek a new one.

During initial consultations, ask questions to determine your compatibility. Some examples of questions to ask would be:

• How long have they been a couples therapist?
• What are their licenses and certifications?
• What areas do they specialize in?
• What would be their treatment plan for your specific issue?
• Approximately how long can you anticipate the treatment to take?
• Do they have experience treating someone with your religious/cultural background or sexual orientation?
• Can they provide patient testimonials?

If you or your partner are unsure, it is okay to keep looking! Finding the perfect match can take time, but successful outcomes prove it’s worth it.

Special Considerations for Diversity and Cultural Competence

It is also important to choose a therapist who understands and respects your cultural, religious, or sexual orientation background.

Feeling misunderstood or judged by your therapist can break trust and derail any progress you have made during treatment.

Therapists can also receive certifications to expand their knowledge and ensure they provide culturally competent care for people of all backgrounds.

What to Expect from Couples Counseling

The first session largely focuses on assessing the relationship’s needs through active listening and observation to identify current and potential issues.

Therapists work towards establishing a safe space for open communication in a non-judgmental environment.

During couples counseling, your therapist will get to know you and your partner and thoroughly assess your relationship dynamics. They will explore perceived positives and negatives within the relationship and identify what areas they wish to improve while mediating and facilitating conversation.

Sessions typically last 45-50 minutes but can be longer or shorter depending on the method of therapy being used, client attention span, and insurance coverage.

How Effective Is Couples Counseling?

Research shows that over 70% of couples who attend counseling report an improvement in their relationship, and over 90% experience enhanced mental or physical well-being.

Different couples may benefit from various approaches to conflict resolution through the methods mentioned above. A skilled therapist can assist in determining the best method for each relationship and type of conflict.

Success rates may vary depending on factors such as:

• Involvement/commitment of each partner
• How long the couple waited before seeking therapy
• Compatibility of the couple and their therapist
• In cases of domestic violence

Couples Therapy vs. Couples Counseling: What’s The Difference?

Couples therapy and couples counseling may sound similar and are often confused, but they are different. Let’s explore those differences below, along with some similar terms:

Couples Counseling

• Available for couples at any relationship stage
• More short-term commitment
• Helps identify current issues within the relationship
• Improves communication
• Aids in problem-solving through compromise

Couples Therapy

• More long-term commitment
• Helps identify the root cause of problems
• May address individual or personal problems to identify issues within the relationship
• Uses a deeper psychotherapeutic approach to treat relational distress

Marriage Therapy

• Specifically made for married couples
• Addresses current relationship dynamics and longstanding patterns
• Can improve communication and intimacy

Premarital Counseling

• Made for couples who plan to marry
• Focuses on strengthening the current bond
• Couples may not have any ongoing issues
• Explores beliefs, expectations, and values
• Can be conducted by a therapist, counselor, or clergy

If unsure what would benefit your relationship most, speak with a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist about your concerns.

They will use their training and expertise to decipher what would be the most effective method for you and your partner to work through your problems together.

Find a Couples Counselor Near You

If you are considering couples counseling for your relationship but aren’t sure where to begin your search, you can check out the SAMHSA online treatment locator or call them at 1-800-662-4357 for referral info.

Other resources, including apps like BetterHelp, even provide online therapy. There is a couples counseling session style to meet the needs of any partnership!