DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

What Are Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills?

Interpersonal effectiveness skills in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are about helping people communicate more effectively, set healthy boundaries, and maintain balanced relationships.

Many people struggle with interpersonal challenges, whether difficulty saying no, fear of asking for what they need, or uncertainty about maintaining relationships without losing self-respect.

Interpersonal effectiveness skills help people communicate confidently and build healthy relationships by focusing on three key areas:

• Relationship effectiveness: Strengthening and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.
• Self-respect effectiveness: Standing up for personal values and maintaining confidence.
• Objective effectiveness: Achieving personal goals in interactions while remaining respectful of others.

Interpersonal effectiveness works alongside emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills in DBT to help individuals navigate relationships without being overwhelmed by emotions.

Who Can Benefit from Interpersonal Effectiveness?

Anyone who finds communication and interpersonal relationships challenging can benefit from improving interpersonal effectiveness.

However, these skills are beneficial for people dealing with difficult situations such as repairing relationships after addiction, handling workplace conflicts, or setting boundaries with family members.

Interpersonal effectiveness can help:

• People in addiction recovery: Addiction often strains relationships, leading to trust issues, miscommunication, and unhealthy boundaries. Interpersonal effectiveness can help rebuild trust, express needs without guilt, and foster healthier connections.
• Individuals with anxiety, depression, or trauma: Many mental health conditions make communication more complicated, whether through avoidance, fear of confrontation, or struggling with self-expression. These skills provide structured techniques to navigate relationships with greater confidence.
• Anyone facing relationship challenges: Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, work settings, or family dynamics, interpersonal effectiveness skills help people communicate clearly, set boundaries, and maintain self-respect while interacting with others.

Key Interpersonal Effectiveness Techniques

Interpersonal effectiveness isn’t just about being a good communicator—it’s about balancing your needs, relationships, and self-respect in every interaction.

Practicing interpersonal effectiveness makes it easier to express yourself clearly, maintain positive relationships, and uphold your values without guilt or fear.

The following techniques provide practical ways to improve communication and build stronger, healthier relationships.

Understanding Your Relationship Priorities

Not every conversation or interaction has the same goal. Interpersonal effectiveness involves recognizing what matters most in a given situation—achieving an objective, preserving a relationship, or maintaining self-respect.

• Why it’s important: Some situations call for assertiveness (standing up for yourself), while others require flexibility (compromising to maintain harmony). Understanding your priorities helps guide your approach.
• Example: If a friend frequently cancels plans at the last minute, deciding whether to address the issue directly (prioritizing an objective) or let it go (prioritizing the relationship) can shape the best response.
• How to practice: Before a difficult conversation, ask yourself:
  • Do I need to accomplish something specific?
  • Is maintaining this relationship my top priority?
  • Do I need to stand up for my values or self-respect?

The DEAR MAN Skill: Asking for What You Need

DEAR MAN helps improve communication skills by providing a structure for effective communication. Being mindful of your tone of voice can also impact how your message is received.

Eye contact, open body language, and appropriate facial expressions can make a conversation more engaging and improve interpersonal communication. Nonverbal cues are just as important as the words being spoken.

• Why it’s important: Many people struggle to assert themselves without feeling guilty or coming across as too aggressive. DEAR MAN helps communicate effectively while staying calm and confident.
• Example: Asking an employer for a schedule change without sounding demanding or apologetic.
• How to practice: Use DEAR MAN to structure requests or assert your needs:
  • D – Describe the situation objectively.
  • E – Express how it makes you feel.
  • A – Assert what you need or want.
  • R – Reinforce why it benefits both parties.
  • M – Mindful (stay focused and don’t get sidetracked).
  • A – Appear confident (even if you don’t feel it).
  • N – Negotiate if needed.

GIVE: Maintaining Healthy Relationships

The GIVE skill focuses on keeping interactions positive and strengthening relationships while expressing your needs.

Practicing active listening and showing an interest in the other person’s emotions can strengthen relationships. This technique is often emphasized in self-help approaches for improving communication.

• Why it’s important: Sometimes, how a message is delivered matters just as much as what is being said. GIVE ensures that communication remains respectful and productive.
• Example: A person in recovery wants to mend a strained friendship. Instead of demanding forgiveness, they use GIVE to approach the conversation gently and respectfully.
• How to practice: Use GIVE to build and maintain positive relationships:
  • G – Gentle (avoid criticism or sarcasm).
  • I – Interested (listen and show genuine interest in the other person’s perspective).
  • V – Validate (acknowledge the other person’s feelings, even if you disagree).
  • E – Easy manner (keep the conversation light and approachable when possible).

FAST: Maintaining Self-Respect in Conversations

The FAST skill helps maintain self-respect and personal boundaries during interactions, ensuring you stay true to your values.

Standing up for your values without being aggressive can improve self-esteem and prevent unnecessary conflict. This skill is invaluable for conflict resolution in recovery.

• Why it’s important: Many people struggle with self-respect due to ineffective communication styles, such as being overly passive or aggressive. FAST helps individuals practice assertive communication while maintaining their values.
• Example: A friend pressures someone in recovery to go out drinking. Using FAST, they stick to their values and decline without guilt.
• How to practice: Use FAST to stand your ground while remaining respectful:
  • F – Fair (be fair to yourself and the other person).
  • A – Apologies (only when necessary; don’t apologize for setting boundaries).
  • S – Stick to values (stay true to personal beliefs and priorities).
  • T – Truthful (be honest and avoid exaggeration or excuses).

Boundary-Setting and Saying No with Confidence

Boundaries define what is and isn’t acceptable in relationships, from friends and family to romantic partners. Learning to set boundaries is a key set of skills that can help resolve conflicts before they escalate.

Practicing boundary-setting through role-playing in therapy or support groups can help individuals assert themselves more comfortably.

• Why it’s important: Without clear boundaries, people may feel taken advantage of, disrespected, or emotionally drained. Setting limits prevents resentment and helps build healthier connections.
• Example: Politely but firmly telling a family member that certain topics (such as past mistakes) are off-limits in conversation.
• How to practice:
  • Identify personal limits in relationships.
  • Communicate boundaries without over-explaining.
  • Follow through with consequences if boundaries are violated.

Interpersonal Effectiveness and Addiction Recovery

Addiction often damages relationships, leading to broken trust, miscommunication, and unhealthy boundaries. It can also impact emotional intelligence, making it harder to recognize and respond to emotions in oneself and others.

Interpersonal effectiveness skills provide practical tools for healthy communication and relationship repair, helping individuals build stronger, more meaningful connections in recovery.

Strengthening your emotional intelligence supports better self-awareness and empathy, both of which are key to healthy relationships and emotional well-being.

How Addiction Affects Communication and Relationships

Substance use can lead to strained relationships due to dishonesty, emotional outbursts, isolation, or difficulty maintaining commitments.

Many people in recovery find themselves struggling with:

• Rebuilding trust: Loved ones may hesitate to believe words or promises after disappointments.
• Expressing needs clearly: Years of substance use may have reinforced patterns of avoidance, people-pleasing, or aggressive communication.
• Healthily handling conflict: Stressful situations may trigger defensive reactions, avoidance, or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

By learning interpersonal effectiveness skills, individuals in recovery can repair relationships, set healthy boundaries, and communicate more effectively, leading to more stable and supportive connections.

Applying Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills in Recovery

Practicing these skills helps individuals approach relationships with confidence and self-respect while also fostering stronger bonds with others.

Some examples of how someone in recovery might apply these skills include:

• Using DEAR MAN to Communicate Clearly: Instead of demanding trust from a loved one, a person in recovery can use DEAR MAN to express their commitment to change and set realistic expectations.
• Practicing GIVE to Strengthen Relationships: Someone in early recovery may have lost friendships due to past behaviors. Using GIVE, they can rebuild connections by listening, validating feelings, and patiently approaching conversations.
• Setting Boundaries to Protect Recovery: A person may need to set boundaries with friends who still use substances by clearly stating that they can’t be around drug or alcohol use.
• Using FAST to Maintain Self-Respect: A former drinking buddy pressures someone in recovery to go out for “just one drink.” Instead of giving in, they use FAST to assert their boundaries while staying firm and respectful.

Developing interpersonal effectiveness skills improves relationships and strengthens long-term recovery by helping individuals communicate more effectively, avoid unhealthy dynamics, and build a supportive network that reinforces sobriety.

Build Stronger Relationships in Recovery

Healthy relationships are essential for long-term recovery. Interpersonal effectiveness skills help you express your needs, set boundaries, and rebuild trust—all while maintaining self-respect and emotional balance.

Learning to communicate clearly and navigate relationships confidently can reduce stress, prevent conflict, and strengthen your support system.

• Start practicing: Small steps, like using DEAR MAN to express your needs or setting boundaries with FAST, can make a big difference in your daily interactions.
• Find professional support: A therapist trained in DBT or addiction recovery can help you strengthen your interpersonal skills and improve relationship dynamics.
• Build a supportive network: Connecting with recovery groups, therapy programs, or trusted loved ones can reinforce healthy communication habits.

Call the SAMHSA National Helpline or visit the SAMHSA’s treatment locator to find support near you. Better communication leads to stronger relationships—and stronger relationships support lasting recovery.

Written by

Jessica Miller

Editorial Director

Jessica Miller is the Editorial Director of Addiction Help. Jessica graduated from the University of South Florida (USF) with an English degree and combines her writing expertise and passion for helping others to deliver reliable information to those impacted by addiction. Informed by her personal journey to recovery and support of loved ones in sobriety, Jessica's empathetic and authentic approach resonates deeply with the Addiction Help community.

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Kent S. Hoffman, D.O.

Founder & Chief Medical Officer

Kent S. Hoffman, D.O. has been an expert in addiction medicine for more than 15 years. In addition to managing a successful family medical practice, Dr. Hoffman is board certified in addiction medicine by the American Osteopathic Academy of Addiction Medicine (AOAAM). Dr. Hoffman has successfully treated hundreds of patients battling addiction. Dr. Hoffman is the Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer of AddictionHelp.com and ensures the website’s medical content and messaging quality.