Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA)
Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) is a 12-step program that helps individuals break free from destructive patterns of love and relationship addiction.
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What Is Love Addicts Anonymous?
Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) is a free, anonymous, 12-step fellowship for people caught in love addiction, the obsessive, compulsive pull toward romance, fantasy, and the chase for a relationship. Its motto says it plainly: “Let us do together what we cannot do alone.” The only requirement to join is a desire to recover from love addiction.
The program isn’t about judging who you love or wanting too much. It’s about a pattern that has taken control, the obsessing over a person, the fantasy that replaces real life, the returning again and again to someone who keeps hurting you, and a room full of people who understand because they’ve lived it. LAA also makes space for the painful flip side, love avoidance, where someone walls off intimacy out of fear. Recovery happens through the 12 steps, a sponsor who’s a few steps ahead of you, and meetings you can join in person or online. This guide covers what LAA is, the patterns it addresses, how it works, whether it helps, and how to find your first meeting.
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- LAA meetings are free and anonymous, and you can join one today. You don’t need a referral, a diagnosis, or any money to walk in.
- A free, anonymous 12-step fellowship for people recovering from love addiction.
- The only requirement to join is a desire to recover from love addiction.
- Focuses on the love side, obsessive attachment, romantic fantasy, and the compulsive pursuit of relationships.
- Names the opposite extreme too, love avoidance, where someone shuts down intimacy out of fear.
- The 12 steps and a sponsor are the heart of it, worked at your own pace alongside others.
- Meetings are free and confidential, offered in person and online.
The Patterns Love Addicts Anonymous Addresses
LAA centers on two patterns that look like opposites but often hook into each other: the love addict who can’t let go, and the love avoidant who can’t let in.
A love addict tends to lose themselves in romance. The thoughts about a partner crowd out everything else, fantasy stands in for the real relationship, and being alone feels unbearable, so the search for the next person starts before the last one has even ended. Susan Peabody, whose writing shaped a lot of how the fellowship talks about this, describes a few recognizable patterns: people who obsess over partners who are unavailable or wrong for them, people who stay and sacrifice their own self-worth, people who cling to an unhappy relationship out of fear of being alone, and people who long for love from a safe distance but pull back the moment it gets real.
Love avoidance is the other side of the same wound. A love avoidant wants connection but is terrified of it, so they build walls, keep partners at arm’s length, and reach for distractions, work, other people, anything, to avoid the vulnerability of getting close. The hard part is that love addicts and love avoidants are often drawn straight to each other, and the push-and-pull can feel like passion when it’s really two people stuck. LAA holds space for both, because the way out is the same.
| Love addict traits | Love avoidant traits |
|---|---|
| Obsesses over a partner, can’t stop thinking about them | Keeps partners at a distance, avoids real closeness |
| Fears being alone, fills the gap fast | Fears being engulfed, needs lots of space |
| Mistakes intensity and drama for love | Mistakes distance and control for safety |
| Stays even when the relationship causes harm | Leaves or shuts down when things get intimate |
| Gives too much of themselves to keep someone | Withholds and walls off to protect themselves |
Love Addiction Isn’t the Same as Loving Deeply
It’s worth saying clearly: wanting love, feeling heartbreak, or falling hard for someone is not an addiction. The line LAA points to is compulsion, the pattern that keeps running even when it costs you sleep, self-respect, money, or your own well-being, and that you can’t seem to stop on your own. If that’s the part of your story you recognize, the fellowship is built for it.
Love addiction often runs on the same brain chemistry as a substance. Researchers have found that intense romantic obsession lights up the dopamine reward pathways involved in drug addiction, which is part of why the highs feel so high and the withdrawal, when a person is cut off from their love object, can feel physically unbearable. That’s not a character flaw. It’s a pattern, and patterns can change.
How Love Addicts Anonymous Works
LAA borrows the structure that’s helped millions in Alcoholics Anonymous and points it at the compulsion around love and attachment. A few pieces work together.
The 12 Steps Work the Obsession Loose
The steps are the core of the program, a sequence of honest self-examination, making amends, and steady growth that you work through with a sponsor at your own pace. You don’t do them alone, and you don’t do them perfectly. The first step is simply admitting the pattern has become unmanageable, and each step after builds on that. For a lot of people, the steps are less about willpower and more about finally not carrying it by themselves.
A Sponsor Walks the Romantic Patterns with You
A sponsor is a member with more time in recovery who agrees to walk with you, one on one. They share their experience, help you work the steps, and pick up the phone when the obsessing kicks in or you’re about to fall back into an old pattern. It isn’t therapy and it isn’t a boss, it’s someone who’s been where you are and stayed. Finding a sponsor is usually one of the first things people are encouraged to do.
Meetings and Anonymity Make Honesty Safe
Meetings are the regular rhythm of the program. People share their experience, strength, and hope around love and attachment, and no one is required to speak. They run in person and online, so you can find one almost any hour from anywhere. Anonymity is the bedrock, what’s said in the room stays in the room, and members use first names only. That protection is part of why people can finally be truthful about a part of life that carries so much shame.
Does Love Addicts Anonymous Work?
There isn’t a large body of research on LAA specifically, so the fair answer is that the program is best understood through the broader evidence on 12-step mutual help, plus the lived experience of its members.
The closest hard evidence comes from the most-studied 12-step fellowship of all. A major Cochrane review found that structured programs to engage people in Alcoholics Anonymous and 12-step facilitation were as effective as or more effective than other established treatments, like cognitive behavioral therapy, at keeping people abstinent over time, and that they also saved on healthcare costs [1]. Love addiction isn’t alcohol, and that difference matters, but LAA runs on the same engine: peer support, sponsorship, the steps, and showing up regularly. Those ingredients have a strong track record.
What members tend to report is harder to measure but no less real, less obsessing, fewer relapses into the patterns that were wrecking their relationships, and the slow return of a steadier kind of love. It’s free to try, and trying it doesn’t close any other door.
Love Addicts Anonymous vs. SLAA
People often mix up the fellowships that overlap here. They share the 12-step foundation but differ in focus, and the right one is the one whose meetings and language fit you. LAA centers on the love and attachment side, the romantic obsession, the fantasy, the fear of being alone. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) casts a wider net, covering compulsive sex and love patterns together, plus the avoidance extreme it calls anorexia. If your struggle is mainly romantic obsession and losing yourself in relationships, LAA may speak your language most directly. If sex and love are tangled together in your story, the broader fellowship may fit better, and plenty of people attend more than one.
To go deeper on the broader fellowship, read about Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and how it works. And to understand the pattern itself, the obsession, the types, and the love avoidant dynamic, see our full guide to recognizing and recovering from love addiction. There’s no wrong door, and no commitment in trying a meeting.
How to Find a Love Addicts Anonymous Meeting and Get Started
Getting started is free and low-pressure. LAA’s official website lists its online and in-person meetings, along with a newcomers guide and a self-assessment to help you see whether the pattern fits, and you can often join a meeting the same day you decide to go. Many people start with an online meeting just to listen, with no pressure to speak or share anything. Once you’ve gotten a feel for the rooms, you can find a sponsor and begin working the 12 steps.
Find treatment and recovery support that fit →
If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, call or text 988 now. And for free, confidential help finding treatment near you, call SAMHSA at 1-800-662-HELP (4357), any time.
Frequently asked questions
What is Love Addicts Anonymous?
Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) is a free, anonymous 12-step fellowship for people caught in love addiction, the obsessive, compulsive pull toward romance, fantasy, and the chase for a relationship. It uses the 12 steps, sponsorship, and regular meetings, in person and online, to help members recover. The only requirement to join is a desire to recover from love addiction, and the program also makes space for the opposite extreme, love avoidance.
What is love addiction, and how is it different from loving someone deeply?
Wanting love, feeling heartbreak, or falling hard for someone is not an addiction. Love addiction is a compulsive pattern that keeps running even when it costs you sleep, self-respect, money, or your well-being, the obsessing over a partner, the fantasy that replaces real life, the returning again and again to someone who hurts you. The line LAA points to is whether you can stop on your own. If you can’t, the fellowship is built for it.
What is the difference between a love addict and a love avoidant?
They look like opposites but often hook into each other. A love addict loses themselves in romance, obsesses over a partner, and fears being alone, so they fill the gap fast. A love avoidant wants connection but is terrified of it, so they build walls, keep partners at a distance, and reach for distractions to avoid closeness. The two are often drawn straight to each other, and LAA holds space for both because the way out is the same.
How does Love Addicts Anonymous work?
LAA points the structure of Alcoholics Anonymous at the compulsion around love and attachment. You work the 12 steps at your own pace with a sponsor, a member further along in recovery who shares their experience and picks up the phone when the obsessing kicks in. Meetings, in person and online, are the regular rhythm, and anonymity is the bedrock: members use first names only, and what’s said in the room stays in the room.
Is Love Addicts Anonymous the same as SLAA?
No. LAA centers on the love and attachment side, the romantic obsession, the fantasy, and the fear of being alone. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) casts a wider net, covering compulsive sex and love patterns together, plus the avoidance extreme it calls anorexia. If your struggle is mainly romantic obsession and losing yourself in relationships, LAA may fit best. If sex and love are tangled together, the broader fellowship may suit you, and many people attend more than one.
Is Love Addicts Anonymous free, and does it work?
Yes, LAA meetings are free and anonymous, with no dues or fees; the fellowship is self-supporting through small voluntary contributions. There isn’t much research on LAA specifically, but it runs on the same engine as the most-studied 12-step program. A major Cochrane review found that programs engaging people in Alcoholics Anonymous and 12-step facilitation were as effective as or more effective than treatments like CBT at keeping people abstinent over time [1]. The core ingredients, peer support, sponsorship, the steps, and showing up, have a strong track record.
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