Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA)

What Is Love Addicts Anonymous?

Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) is a 12-step fellowship for love addicts who want to heal obsessive or unhealthy attitudes towards love. It encourages building self-esteem, promotes non-obsessive attitudes towards romance, and offers members a chance to share their stories with people who understand.

LAA members can have any subtype of love addiction, from people who are “addicted” to a specific partner to those who obsess over the feeling of falling in love. The only requirement to join is a desire to overcome addictive behavior and improve your attitudes towards love.

How Love Addicts Anonymous Differs From Other 12-Step Programs

LAA adapts its 12 steps and meeting formats from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). However, since LAA focuses on a behavioral addiction instead of substance abuse, they take a different approach toward recovery.

Joining LAA doesn’t require swearing off romance the way AA encourages abstaining from alcohol. The only time LAA suggests steering clear of romance is when a member is actively obsessed with a former partner, “withdrawing” from a relationship, or in an abusive relationship.

LAA also doesn’t have “bottom line behaviors”, AKA, a list of things you want to avoid from now on. These are personal and depend on your unique relationship patterns and future goals.

Instead, LAA calls for a kind of emotional sobriety where “you are able to love yourself as much as you love others.”

Core Principles of Love Addicts Anonymous

LAA takes many of its guiding principles from AA. For example, LAA is non-denominational and chapters support themselves through member donations. However, LAA also has a set of concepts unique to recovery from love addiction.

Core principles unique to LAA include the following: 

• Separation anxiety: Love Addicts Anonymous believes that all love addiction comes from separation anxiety, which they call the “original wound.” Many of their teachings focus on learning to feel more secure and confident when single.
• Self-acceptance: LAA promotes recognizing that you’re a worthy person with unique gifts to offer outside of a relationship.
• Setting boundaries: Since many love addicts have a hard time standing up for themselves, LAA encourages setting healthy boundaries and leaving neglectful or abusive relationships.
• Avoiding fantasizing: LAA stresses the difference between romantic fantasies and the reality of relationships.
• Monogamy: LAA encourages members only to pursue monogamous relationships, stating that “monogamy and recovery are synonymous.”
• No sexual discussions: While some love addicts use sex in unhealthy ways, LAA doesn’t allow detailed discussion of sexual topics during meetings. People who also struggle with sex addiction may prefer a different fellowship, like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

The Twelve Steps of Love Addicts Anonymous

LAA’s 12 steps are adapted directly from AA’s. The steps act as a guide and support for those who are ready to address addiction at its source and build their self-confidence.

You can see LAA’s 12-step process below: 

1. We admitted we were powerless over love, romance, fantasies, and relationships—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Love addicts Anonymous also has a series of 12 promises, which outline how healthy relationships should look going forward.

The 12 promises of Love addicts anonymous include the following: 

1. I have a new sense of freedom because I am letting go of the past.
2. I am hopeful about my future relationships.
3. I can be attracted to someone without falling in love overnight, and I can fall in love without obsessing.
4. If love does overwhelm me I do not act out in addictive ways.
5. I can tell the difference between fantasies and reality.
6. I do not have to control the ones I love nor let them control me.
7. I experience relationships one at a time and I do not get involved with “unavailable” people.
8. If my basic needs are not being met, I can end my relationship.
9. I can leave anyone who is abusing me either verbally or physically.
10. I do not do for others what they should be doing for themselves.
11. I love myself as much as I love others.
12. I look to my Higher Power for strength, guidance, and the willingness to change.

Love Addicts Anonymous Meetings

In the United States, Love Addicts Anonymous doesn’t currently have in-person meetings. Instead, LAA meetings are held online. Meetings usually last around an hour, are hosted on Zoom, and are open to newcomers unless otherwise noted.

What Is a Love Addicts Anonymous Meeting Like?

Most LAA Zoom meetings follow the group’s “One Day at A Time” format.

At these meetings, the host reads aloud an excerpt of LAA literature, which sets the topic for discussion. The reading could come from LAA’s official basic text or a book on LAA’s approved reading list.

Common focus topics can include fear of vulnerability, attraction to unavailable partners, or letting go of guilt.

After the reading, attendees can unmute and share their thoughts or experiences relating to the topic during a set time window. Any newcomers usually get a slightly longer window during their first session.

LAA doesn’t allow “cross-talk” during meetings, meaning the person sharing speaks uninterrupted during their time window.

At the end of the sharing session, the meeting closes with any announcements and LAA’s non-denominational closing prayer. Many LAA meetings also follow up with an “after-hours” meeting with more free discussion between members.

How Can I Find a Love Addicts Anonymous Meeting?

If you’re interested in sitting in on an LAA meeting, you can find U.S.-based online meetings with LAA’s online meeting directory or Google event calendar.  Zoom Meetings lists the meeting name, time in PST, and password.

LAA also hosts meetings in Japan, Russia, and Sweden, which you can view on LAA’s international meeting and sister site directory.

Get Support Through Love Addicts Anonymous

If you’re ready to heal your relationship with love alongside a community that understands your feelings, visit LoveAddictsAnonymous.org to find upcoming Zoom meetings, read LAA-approved literature, and ask questions.

Combined with love addiction counseling and a willingness to improve, LAA could be a valuable support on your road to recovery.

If you’re not sure if Love Addicts Anonymous is right for you, check out our 12-step meeting finder to discover more support groups that can help you with a fresh start.

Written by

Jessica Miller

Editorial Director

Jessica Miller is the Editorial Director of Addiction Help. Jessica graduated from the University of South Florida (USF) with an English degree and combines her writing expertise and passion for helping others to deliver reliable information to those impacted by addiction. Informed by her personal journey to recovery and support of loved ones in sobriety, Jessica's empathetic and authentic approach resonates deeply with the Addiction Help community.

Reviewed by

• Fact-Checked
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Kent S. Hoffman, D.O.

Co-Founder & Chief Medical Officer

Kent S. Hoffman, D.O. has been an expert in addiction medicine for more than 15 years. In addition to managing a successful family medical practice, Dr. Hoffman is board certified in addiction medicine by the American Osteopathic Academy of Addiction Medicine (AOAAM). Dr. Hoffman has successfully treated hundreds of patients battling addiction. Dr. Hoffman is the Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer of AddictionHelp.com and ensures the website’s medical content and messaging quality.