Sexaholics Anonymous
A warm, plain guide to Sexaholics Anonymous (SA): what it is, its single sobriety definition, how it differs from SAA and SLAA, whether it helps, and how to find a free meeting.
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What Is Sexaholics Anonymous?
Sexaholics Anonymous, almost always shortened to SA, is a free 12-step fellowship of people who help each other recover from compulsive sexual behavior, which the program describes as addiction to lust and sex. It was founded in 1979 and built on the same 12 steps as Alcoholics Anonymous, and it works much the same way: people meet, share honestly about what they’re going through, and support each other in getting better. There are no dues, no sign-up, and no one in charge handing down judgment.
One thing sets SA apart from the other sex-recovery fellowships, and it’s worth knowing up front so you can decide what fits. SA has a single, specific definition of “sexual sobriety” that every member works toward, rather than letting each person draw their own line. That definition is more prescriptive and more traditional than the approach used by programs like Sex Addicts Anonymous, and we’ll lay out exactly what it says below so you can judge for yourself.
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- An SA meeting is free and anonymous, and you can join one today online or by phone, no appointment needed.
- It’s a 12-step fellowship for people whose sexual behavior has become compulsive, modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous and founded in 1979.
- SA uses one shared definition of sobriety: no sex with yourself or with anyone other than your spouse, plus steady progress against lust.
- The only requirement to join is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober by that definition.
- Meetings are free and anonymous, held in person, by phone, and online, all over the world.
- A sponsor and the 12 steps are central. You don’t work recovery alone.
- There’s a family program, S-Anon, for the partners and relatives of sexaholics.
How Sexaholics Anonymous Works
SA gives people a structure and a community for changing behavior that has felt impossible to change alone. A few parts do most of the work.
SA’s Definition of Sexual Sobriety
This is what makes SA different, and it’s the part to understand before you decide whether it’s your room. Most sex-recovery fellowships let each member define what “sober” means for them. SA does not. It uses one definition that everyone works toward.
In the program’s own words, from its basic text: “For the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust.” SA defines “spouse” as one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman.
“Progressive victory over lust” is the part members describe as the real heart of it. The goal isn’t just stopping certain acts; it’s gradually loosening the grip of lust itself, one day at a time, so it stops running the show.
This definition is firm and traditional on purpose, and SA members find that clarity steadying. It also won’t fit everyone. People who are unmarried and don’t want lifelong abstinence, people in same-sex relationships, and people who’d rather set their own boundaries often choose a different fellowship instead, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. None of that is a knock on any program. Recovery rooms aren’t one-size-fits-all, and the right one is the one you’ll actually keep going back to.
The 12 Steps of SA
The 12 steps are the backbone of the program, the same set AA has used for decades, here adapted for compulsive sexual behavior. AA gave SA permission to use its steps and traditions in 1979. In plain terms, they walk a person from admitting the behavior has become unmanageable, through an honest look at the patterns and harm behind it, toward making repairs and building a new way of living. People work the steps at their own pace, usually with a sponsor guiding them, one step at a time.
Sponsorship
A sponsor is a member with more time in recovery who agrees to guide you through the steps and be there when things get hard. It’s not therapy and it’s not authority. It’s one person who has walked the path helping another. Most members find that having a sponsor, and eventually becoming one, is where a lot of the change actually happens.
Meetings and Anonymity
Meetings are where the fellowship lives. They’re free, they run in person, over the phone, and online, and people share openly about what they’re struggling with and what’s helping. Anonymity is taken seriously. What’s said in a meeting stays in the meeting, and members protect each other’s identities, which is what makes it safe to open up in the first place.
The only thing SA asks of a newcomer is a desire to stop. There are no dues or fees, no application, and no test to pass. SA is self-supporting through small voluntary contributions from members, so cost is never a barrier to walking in the door. You don’t have to be sure you belong or have your story figured out. Wanting to stop is enough to start.
How SA Differs from SAA and SLAA
SA is one of several 12-step fellowships for compulsive sexual behavior, and they’re easy to mix up. The biggest difference is how each one defines sobriety.
SA uses a single, shared definition for everyone, described above. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) takes the opposite approach: each member defines their own “sexual sobriety” by naming the specific behaviors that are harming them, using a tool called the Three Circles. SAA isn’t anti-sex and never asks members to give up sex altogether. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) is broader still. It also includes romantic and emotional patterns such as obsessive attachment or moving from one relationship to the next, and members there set their own “bottom lines.” Some people want the firm clarity SA offers; others want to define their own line. Neither choice is more serious about recovery than the other.
| Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) | Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) | |
|---|---|---|
| Sobriety definition | one shared standard for everyone | each member defines their own |
| What that standard is | no sex with self or anyone but a spouse, plus progressive victory over lust | the behaviors you personally choose to stop (the Three Circles) |
| Tends to fit when | you want firm, traditional boundaries | you want to draw your own line |
| Structure | 12 steps, sponsor, shared sobriety definition | 12 steps, sponsor, self-defined sobriety |
| Cost | free | free |
There’s no wrong door here, and you don’t have to get the choice perfect. Plenty of people try more than one and stay with whichever room feels like home. If a self-defined approach sounds closer to what you need, you can compare the self-defined fellowship for sex addiction → or look into the wider program for sex and love addiction →.
S-Anon Supports the Partners and Family of a Sexaholic
Compulsive sexual behavior rarely hurts only the person living it. SA has a companion fellowship, S-Anon, for the partners, family, and friends who’ve been affected, much the way Al-Anon stands beside AA. It’s a separate program with its own meetings, and its focus is the family member’s own recovery and peace of mind, not fixing or controlling the sexaholic. If your life has been shaken by someone else’s sexual behavior, you can heal on your own timeline whether or not they ever get help. To learn what that looks like, you can find support built for affected families →.
Does Sexaholics Anonymous Work?
SA doesn’t run formal outcome studies on itself, so there’s no single number to point to, and the program’s anonymity makes that kind of research hard by design. What we can say is grounded in how its approach has been studied more broadly.
The 12-step, peer-support model that SA is built on has strong evidence behind it. Research on Alcoholics Anonymous and similar 12-step programs found them at least as effective as professional treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy for keeping people in recovery, with benefits that held up over years [1]. That evidence is best established for alcohol, and compulsive sexual behavior is its own condition, so the research doesn’t transfer one-to-one. What carries over is the engine, the mix of peer support, structure, sponsorship, and a shared framework, which is exactly what SA puts to work for sexual compulsion.
In practice, the people most likely to benefit are the ones who keep showing up, get a sponsor, and work the steps rather than just attending. For many, pairing SA with a therapist who treats compulsive sexual behavior works better than either one alone.
How to Find an SA Meeting and Get Started
Getting started is simpler than it feels from the outside. SA’s official website lists meetings you can search by location, and it runs a full schedule of phone and online meetings you can join from anywhere, often the same day. Many people start with an online or phone meeting to listen first, with no pressure to speak. You don’t have to introduce yourself, share, or commit to anything. You can just show up.
And if you’d like a professional in your corner too, that’s a strong combination. The right therapist can work alongside the fellowship as you find your footing.
Find treatment and recovery support that fit →
If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, call or text 988 now. For free, confidential help finding treatment near you, call SAMHSA at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) any time.
Frequently asked questions
What is Sexaholics Anonymous?
Sexaholics Anonymous, or SA, is a free 12-step fellowship for people who want to recover from compulsive sexual behavior, which the program calls addiction to lust and sex. Founded in 1979 and modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous, it works through meetings, sponsorship, and the 12 steps. There are no dues and no sign-up. The only requirement to join is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.
What is SA's definition of sexual sobriety?
Unlike most sex-recovery fellowships, SA uses one shared definition for everyone. In the program’s words: for a married member, sexual sobriety means no form of sex with self or with anyone other than the spouse; for an unmarried member, it means freedom from sex of any kind. For everyone, it also includes progressive victory over lust. SA defines spouse as one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman.
How is SA different from Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)?
The main difference is how each defines sobriety. SA uses one fixed standard that every member works toward. SAA lets each member define their own sobriety by naming the specific behaviors harming them, using a tool called the Three Circles. SA’s approach is firmer and more traditional, which some people find steadying and others find too prescriptive. People who want to set their own line often choose SAA, SCA, or SLAA instead. There’s no wrong choice.
How much does Sexaholics Anonymous cost?
Nothing. SA meetings are free. There are no dues, no fees, and no charge to attend in person, by phone, or online. The fellowship is self-supporting through small voluntary contributions from members, but no one is ever required to give anything. Cost is never a barrier to walking in the door.
Is there support for the family of a sexaholic?
Yes. SA has a companion fellowship called S-Anon for the partners, family, and friends affected by someone’s compulsive sexual behavior, much the way Al-Anon stands beside AA. It’s a separate program with its own meetings, focused on the family member’s own recovery and peace of mind rather than fixing or controlling the sexaholic. You can take part whether or not your loved one is getting help.
Does Sexaholics Anonymous actually work?
SA keeps no formal statistics on itself, partly because anonymity makes that kind of tracking hard. But the 12-step, peer-support model it’s built on has strong evidence behind it: research on Alcoholics Anonymous found 12-step programs at least as effective as professional therapies for sustaining recovery [1]. That evidence is best established for alcohol, so it doesn’t transfer one-to-one, but the engine of peer support, sponsorship, and the steps is exactly what SA applies to compulsive sexual behavior. People who keep attending, get a sponsor, and work the steps tend to get the most out of it.
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